I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
