Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
