So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
