I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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