at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Boobs are out for the taking
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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