Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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