I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
