Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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