you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
