I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
