I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
