You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize