I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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