this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize