i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
