i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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