So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
