U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
