Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
