Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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