We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
operation harelip BJ is a go
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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