Pregnant stripper...not hot.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
