If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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