Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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