The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
