Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
