Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
