Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
