If i come over, it means nothing
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
only you would photoshop your dick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
