i don't like sucking hair
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
