we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
