His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
