well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
