help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
