bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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