The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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