I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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