I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
