The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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