I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
