I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
