Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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