Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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