i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
