I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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