ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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