I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
