I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
