How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize