I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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