let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
