Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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