Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
