Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
