No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
