please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
