fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
