last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize