Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
