hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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