I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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