I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Me too!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
