His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
