I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
