so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
