i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
