Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
