Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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