Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
