The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize