Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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