We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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