Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
