You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i came on her dog
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
