can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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