I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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