i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
