Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize