i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
